


I've got you now

by Zillychu (Zilleniose)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Existential Crisis, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Purple Prose, can be read as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 14:04:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18033137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zilleniose/pseuds/Zillychu
Summary: At first, he remembers nothing.Then he feels something inexplicably familiar.





	I've got you now

It hurt. It hurt in a way he'd never felt before.

Being cut and bludgeoned and on the hot end of sizzling magic was different. He'd felt it, all of it, on his skin and in his bones, nerves on fire and pulse aching. It was inside him, bleeding from the inside out and it was painful but _familiar_. It made sense.

This… whatever this was, it was excruciating and he couldn't even begin to parse it.

It was a deep, sinking feeling that felt like falling and flying all at once, a facsimile of longing coating his mind. Something tethered him, like marionette strings pierced through his skin but his skin wasn't there, it wasn't _his_.

He didn't exist.

He couldn't find enough consciousness to ponder how that was even possible.

He hung in a state of emotional limbo, constantly flirting with fear and ache and crushing loneliness but never landing. He felt himself unravel, fringes too loose to be considered stitched, cut and torn and dissolving like smoke.

He was nothing but a clump of dandelion seeds, scattering further and further into the wind until the idea of the flower was long forgotten.

And yet, he was still _here_. Just enough to know it, but not enough to be it.

But his fragile seeds soon found themselves gathered in desperate fistfuls, molded together piece by piece by something foreign until he finally felt suffocation. Roused from nonexistence he heaved not with breath but with soul. Having himself feel tangled and contained was terrifying now, having been nothing but a memory for so long.

It was excruciating to _feel_ again.

He remembers fighting it, he thinks. He came to with the thought of flight, being grasped and pulled into something vast. So vast it overwhelmed him--and yet at the same time, walls closed in on him.

Trapped. _Trapped trapped trapped scared help please help--_

_ <I'm with you.> _

His mind stuck, swimming inside him like a frantic eel in a cage. But it stuck. He felt himself when the walls clamped around his being, his loosely woven ego.

 _Trapped_ , he felt again with less desperation but all the unease. _Not right. Wrong wrong wrong no heart no body not mine no no no_

< _You're safe_.>

It was a dissonant chord at first, striking him, invading him. A melody slower than his sped up to match it's pace, breaths aligning and suddenly he could remember what that used to feel like. Breathing.

It made the suffocating walls even worse.

 _Help_ , the plea felt uncomfortably hot, scrambling for purchase where there was none. _Scared, can't feel can't breathe trapped scared wrong_ \--

Silk coated his mind. Cradled him as his nonexistent pulse slowly began to ebb. The walls were in the same place, but didn't feel so closed in anymore.

< _I'm here_ ,> Warmth (not heat, not fire not pain) bloomed around him in a gentle caress. < _It's okay, I'm here. I won't leave you._ >

This time, it felt familiar. It wasn't quite a voice, but a presence, more solid than his own. More tangible. He was a distorted image on rippling water being held together by solid river stones.

He felt himself grounded by the silk and walls.

 _Confused_ , he felt, without the unbridled terror but still not without caution. _Lost. Empty. Too much, too much_...

He could have sworn he felt skin on his own, but he didn't have skin. A sort of gravity contained him, startling him for a brief moment before the space around him pulsed with something.

< _You're not lost_ ,> it spoke, almost sounding like words now. < _Not anymore. Everything is gonna be okay, Sora_.>

 _Sora_.

A word. That's right, a name. It soaked into him.

The name was different than the other words, somehow. The name clung to him, while all the others floated between sound and silence.

The presence felt stronger than ever, permeating the walls and words and air that filled his nonexistent lungs. It should have felt strangling. It didn't.

The echo of a familiar laughter tickled his mind. Melancholy, tired. Relieved.

It felt like the last of the sun's rays on him, basking him in calm fields of wheat and a distant shoreline.

Was this rhythm… a heartbeat?

Gentle, unwavering, full of hurt and love. It didn't invade, but brushed up against his own melody, matching the tempo to walk alongside it.

< _It's hard, isn't it? Not being real_.>

Not real? Right… he's not real. He feels less nonexistent than he did before, but still… compared to the solid walls, the unwavering pulse, it…

He wants to feel like the walls, the silk the river stones the melody that doesn't leave even when his falters.

He reaches out. Connects with something.

If he gave in, could he feel as real as the walls?

Something sharp startled him, tugging on the marionette strings he thought were gone. A flash of terror that… surprisingly wasn't his own. It made him wince.

< _Don't_!> The voice returned, vibrating through his being. It clutched at him, and it felt too strong to fight. Some of the terror was now his.

< _You're you, Sora. Nobody else_ .> Something quivered, dark and deep and sad and filling him to his toes. < _Don't fade into me, please. I can't… I can't lose you again_.>

The raw emotion was too much to hold back, and Sora felt himself get pulled to the ground by it. Solid, steady, even in the turbulence.

Sora. Yeah… the name. It was _his_ name.

Sora was him. The walls were different. He still yearned to sink into them, but now knew he shouldn't. Trepidation permeated the thought now when he reached out, feeling the connection but no longer trying to disappear into it. Were these his emotions? What else could they be?

Somebody else's.

How could this be him, and somebody else?

Pain, relief, sadness, anger.

Fear. Loneliness.

These walls weren't his, but it felt like home. Every sense he remembered having sparked to life and little by little, he began to hear.

That pulse _was_ a heartbeat. It thrummed inside him, around him.

The scent of salt and burning charcoal wrapped in a cool breeze. Ozone and fresh water.

The world started to become palpable.

 _I'm… I'm Sora_ , he whispered in his mind, feeling his throat tense as the words tried to spill out. His affirmation birthed a small light, glowing inside him and illuminating the edges of his reality.

< _Yes_ ,> The voice coaxed, vast and all-encompassing. < _You're Sora. Are you starting to remember now_?>

 _Remember…_ he knew what that meant. Memories. But he didn't exist, so he had none.

But he was scared before now. In pain. That changed--he felt safe, relaxed, no longer edging a fine line of lingering sanity.

If that changed… then the thoughts of pain were memories. He had memories.

The light inside him burst into a blinding supernova, filling his chest and peeling out to warp around the images that filled his mind. Images of a small island, of twinkling space and dusty paths filled with iron and rust.

He was Sora.

He fought for his life, his friends, his world. In the barren graveyard he tasted both life and death, returning to the void only to find…

He clutched at his chest. Fabric wrinkled beneath white knuckles, teeth grit so tightly his jaw ached. Suspended between these walls, he remembered.

He was able to save Kairi, able to see her safe return but found the exit permitted only one of them passage.

He stayed behind, having his heart ripped from his body as the power he abused tore his existence apart.

He… he didn't just die, he disappeared. How was he here?

“Where… where am I?” His voice was raspy with lack of use, limbs shaking as he did his best to breathe, to feel, to _be_.

< _In my heart_ ,> Came the quiet, strained reply. < _And I'm not letting you disappear until we find a way to bring you back_.>

This voice… he knew this voice.

“R… Roxas…?”

Sora didn't so much see as he _felt_ a smile, filling him with such overwhelming relief that he immediately felt his eyes sting with tears. Not his tears. This wasn't his sadness, it was more intense.

< _You idiot…_ > The voice sighed with a withering chuckle. < _Took you long enough_.>

Sora barely had the energy to be indignant. He was too overwhelmed, too…

“You saved me,” Sora whispered, curling in towards his chest as the silk returned, holding him close and secure. “You saved me, and… you allowed me in, here? After all that?”

How long was Roxas able to be his own person before he had his existence invaded by the same person yet again?

< _What the heck does that mean_ ?> Roxas pried, and wow it was weird hearing him everywhere, even inside his head. < _After what, exactly? After you traversed all those worlds and risked your life to bring me back_?>

“N-no,” Sora shook his head, guilt weighing him down. “I mean, I… I took your life to begin with.”

Roxas huffed, and Sora could feel the incredulity shake him.

< _You didn't take anything. I gave it to you_.>

Sora kept his eyes downcast, not looking very convinced. He gripped the fabric of his pants, shoulders tense and face contorted into something unnaturally negative for someone who smiled so much.

< _The moment I saw you, I knew I'd do anything to protect you_.> A pause, letting Sora look up even though there was nothing to see but his own barely corporeal form.

< _And the longer I stayed with you, the stronger I felt. I don't regret my choice, Sora. I'd give everything I have, everything I am, as many times as it takes if it means saving you_.>

Warmth returned in a gentle wave, washing over Sora in an unabashed embrace and he felt it--felt Roxas’ sincerity, his forgiveness, his adoration. The honesty of it took his breath away.

He didn't know what to say. What _could_ he say? All this time he expected righteous anger, something vengeful and bitter underneath reluctant camaraderie. He knew Roxas had wished him dead at one point, he felt it in the memories he shared in the sleeping realm.

But he also recalled confusion, and a shift. Acceptance. He thought that was all it was.

The blooming heartbeat around him, now overflowing with love, said otherwise. It made Sora's own outline of a heart reach out to offer his bewildered gratitude, in absolute awe of how it felt to be this deeply connected.

<... _I just wish I could do more than this_ .> Roxas’ voice returned with a guilty waver. < _You were able to give me the islands, but… I don't know if it's because my heart is so new, or if I'm just not as capable_.>

Sora glanced around the void, still seeing nothing, not even black or white. It felt like everything but his own body was in his peripheral.

“Are you kidding?” Sora grinned, not looking in any direction in particular. “I was never able to talk to you like this. That's amazing, Roxas!”

Flustered. Humbled. There were no words, but Sora could almost see Roxas’ rigid posture, unsure how to respond to praise from his Other.

“And besides…” Sora's own warmth bloomed inside him, filling the loose marionette strings. “I'd much rather have you than a silly beach.”

There was no up or down, no left or right where he was--but Sora still felt a weird sort of jostle as his center of gravity did a loop around his feet and made him flail for a moment.

A sting of embarrassment came from his confines. Sora couldn't help but giggle.

< _You're as impossible to deal with as ever_.> Roxas muttered, but couldn't hide the undertone of restrained happiness. It made Sora's smile grow.

“...Thank you, Roxas.”

<... _Huh_?>

“I didn't say it yet, did I?” Sora scratched his cheek, sheepish with the way his knees bent up a bit. “Thank you. For saving me. For… _everything_.”

That one little word spoke volumes. Roxas smiled, the action reaching his Other even in the untouchable depths far beyond his solid form.

<... _You're welcome, Sora_.>

The reply was quiet, uncharacteristically soft. But it rang clear as day, a glimmering light after the end of a long, dark night.

For the first time in forever (it felt like it, though he has no idea how much time has passed), Sora felt content. Safe. At such ease it was tranquilizing, pulling an unbidden yawn that he surely didn't need but he felt it, so it was.

“...Is it alright if I sleep for a while?” Sora rubbed the heel of his palm over one eye, fatigue sinking into him the more he remembered bits and pieces of not being himself. He didn't think it would be taxing to not exist, but maybe his soul was just out of practice. He just felt _right_ now, like burrowing under a warm blanket after freezing the whole winter.

< _You know you don't need to ask for my permission, right_ ?> Roxas chided halfheartedly, soft laughter betraying his attempt at snark. < _You're a big boy now, I'm sure you can tuck yourself in. > _

“H-hey!” Sora pouted, glaring up at the void. “I just figured, you know… I'm visiting, I should at least be polite.”

< _Oh so you're a guest now? I was thinking more of a tenant. You can just pay back all the rent with interest when we get you back to your old self again_.>

“You're really gonna bill me?” Sora smirked. “Cause I can get your year's worth of past due payments out.”

< _Ooh, touché. I guess I can let it slide just this once_.>

The both of them laughed in unison, a melody that flirted in and out of harmony. Comfortable, natural, like they've known each other all their lives--and in a way, they have.

< _You gave me this heart, Sora_ .> Roxas spoke, smile still evident in his voice. < _You don't need to be so formal. > _

“Hey I didn't give you that, you made it all on your own.”

< _You helped far more than you think_ .> Roxas chuckled, soft and airy. < _Get some rest, now. I've got some good news to spread, anyway_.>

Sora shifted his center of gravity, curling into a comfortable position with a melting exhale. He wanted to talk to Roxas more, wanted to ask if he could tell everyone how sorry he is for making them worry. But he felt the familiar heart around him cradle his weary soul, and the peace that filled his bones already began guiding him into a calm, dreamless sleep.

The familiar touch of silk brush against his cheek, and he slept. Finally content and safe.

  
  


“It's alright,” Roxas whispered with a hand to his chest, eyes still closed.

 

“I've got you now.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Nomura, please... let them switch roles for a bit. Give me more soft Roxas content, I am so thirsty. 
> 
> I have a couple more vague ideas for this scenario, so I might write more? Not sure yet,


End file.
